3 more weekends!!

Since we're having both English papers tomorrow, I thought: why not write something?

Time has been easier ever since the start of O's. Before that was literal misery; there wasn't anything to look forward too, nothing to be happy about nor anything eventful . Now as the end of O's closes in, it's much easier to live ( HA HA I make it sound like going through O's is the hardest thing ever. Perhaps it is for me ((as of now)) , but I understand that it isn't, there's others who are going far worst and once again, this is just a space for me to express.) 

Weekends were (are) the worst. There's tuition and although tutors are perpetually late, it's always a relief. But then again the guilt of not using the "extra" time wisely comes in. The reason on why I've added inverted commas for "extra" is because of the mockery of having 'extra' time is ironic. When do we exactly have extra time? What is extra? Time is never enough at this point in life, for me that is. 

My mom has always brought me out during the weekends to the malls to just walk around or just for meals , not being able to go out is just.. Uncomfortable. I've resented weekends for the past few months (ok maybe month.)  because I'm stuck at home mugging it'll never be productive if I'm on my own. Distractions here, there, everywhere. 

The end of O's is so so close yet so far. There's so many things I want to do, even I don't know how got the idea of those. 

This thought just came to me: some way or another everyone's going through the same process of 

1st- being afraid 

2nd - trying 

3rd - whining/complaining/failing 

4th- realisation 

5th- trying once more 

6th- well honestly I don't know how it's gonna be like after trying 

I've been taking on the relax 'route' of facing O's and I really don't know if it's the best decision, the whole "come what may" mindset actually creates the sense of guilt of not revising enough which results of being unsure of my work. 

Perhaps what others say that in "kiasu" is true and that I really am afraid to lose . 

But then, what do I have to lose? 

Alright my thoughts are really going out of control, i should really stop . 

Y

** I'm really thankful that you're reading this by the way. I've never expected anyone to read my rants and irrational thoughts. My posts are never lengthy ( like a proper blog posts) and I rarely have anything worth sharing, it's just my pointless thoughts. So, thank you. Whoever you are. 

Well talking about events, there's basically NOthing going on. My imaginaton's probably the most eventful right now, and it's nothing worth sharing. 

Hmm 

I was arranging stuff on my table and I've come across these notes (once again)! 

From the sweet senior whom I was close to. It's really nice to re-read thses for the nth time , and to know that someone cares and loves you aha 

The little happiness in life- it's nothing big but it comes with a big meaning . 

I'm gonna blabber bullcrap if I continue on 

-- till next time!!