"Being Kind Of Sad That Christmas Is Tomorrow, And Then It’s Over For A Year"

came across this on the thought catalogue and thought of writing something. perhaps I should end my blog in a better and a more responsible way. 

right its kinda over for 2014.. 

well it's been a year full of downs and ups . well downs mostly but yes! I got over O's . 

the thing is, I guess it's been the most eventful year for me so far. emotionally and mentally . 

I don't exactly know how to express this but. realisation is the word to it. 

life for me this year's like .. I've been cooped up all along and on some days i just.. realised what wasn't right and what I should have done.. and realised why things happen

I guess it's just part of adolescence? 

and the experiences I've had was inexplicable by myself . 

last year at school was.. great? 

I really shouldn't dwell on the past.

let's look forward for a better 2015?

goodbye

HEY.
Ok so O's has finally finally finally ended, and yes, it sounds cliche and mainstream but- it's really fast.
boom it's over.
well I won't dwell here in this post, and yeah, I tried my best.

So many thoughts but so little words.

ok maybe not little words, it's just I don't know how to put them in words

I just wanted to say that I'll be changing sites.
I won't be writing here any more :)

Thanks for any support and that I will post a link to a new space if I ever create one.
This blog will go on private from 2015 onwards.


goodbye

3 more weekends!!

Since we're having both English papers tomorrow, I thought: why not write something?

Time has been easier ever since the start of O's. Before that was literal misery; there wasn't anything to look forward too, nothing to be happy about nor anything eventful . Now as the end of O's closes in, it's much easier to live ( HA HA I make it sound like going through O's is the hardest thing ever. Perhaps it is for me ((as of now)) , but I understand that it isn't, there's others who are going far worst and once again, this is just a space for me to express.) 

Weekends were (are) the worst. There's tuition and although tutors are perpetually late, it's always a relief. But then again the guilt of not using the "extra" time wisely comes in. The reason on why I've added inverted commas for "extra" is because of the mockery of having 'extra' time is ironic. When do we exactly have extra time? What is extra? Time is never enough at this point in life, for me that is. 

My mom has always brought me out during the weekends to the malls to just walk around or just for meals , not being able to go out is just.. Uncomfortable. I've resented weekends for the past few months (ok maybe month.)  because I'm stuck at home mugging it'll never be productive if I'm on my own. Distractions here, there, everywhere. 

The end of O's is so so close yet so far. There's so many things I want to do, even I don't know how got the idea of those. 

This thought just came to me: some way or another everyone's going through the same process of 

1st- being afraid 

2nd - trying 

3rd - whining/complaining/failing 

4th- realisation 

5th- trying once more 

6th- well honestly I don't know how it's gonna be like after trying 

I've been taking on the relax 'route' of facing O's and I really don't know if it's the best decision, the whole "come what may" mindset actually creates the sense of guilt of not revising enough which results of being unsure of my work. 

Perhaps what others say that in "kiasu" is true and that I really am afraid to lose . 

But then, what do I have to lose? 

Alright my thoughts are really going out of control, i should really stop . 

Y

** I'm really thankful that you're reading this by the way. I've never expected anyone to read my rants and irrational thoughts. My posts are never lengthy ( like a proper blog posts) and I rarely have anything worth sharing, it's just my pointless thoughts. So, thank you. Whoever you are. 

Well talking about events, there's basically NOthing going on. My imaginaton's probably the most eventful right now, and it's nothing worth sharing. 

Hmm 

I was arranging stuff on my table and I've come across these notes (once again)! 

From the sweet senior whom I was close to. It's really nice to re-read thses for the nth time , and to know that someone cares and loves you aha 

The little happiness in life- it's nothing big but it comes with a big meaning . 

I'm gonna blabber bullcrap if I continue on 

-- till next time!!

"memories made, memories kept"

It's the last day of school term today, before we head off for our study-break in lieu of the national exams.

Study-break, is it a break for us from studying or a break for us to study? 

Anyways, I'm heading to Malaysia, Kuala  Lumpor & Bentong tomorrow, for 3 days. 

It's probably one of the worst times to go for a short trip, or perhaps one of the best times. 

It's either that it acts like a break for me, or it's just hindering my studies, 

Well of course it isn't the latter, I do believe that it's a great time for a break and that it's what might be the thing to push me on. 

Alright honestly it's just the Malaysian delicacies and the long car ride that's drawing me there.

Alright, back to the last day of school, 

The beloved math class, 

glad that I was under this teacher, Mr Tiah , who claims that he's a tyrant. Well obviously he's not, but he's a great educator, I have to admit.

Principle's of accounts, 

a subject I used to hate. It's so taxing, I couldn't understand a thing, I didn't get how the world works.

But now I do .

4E3 class of 2014 (I'm not in the picture)

probably the most problematic class ever of junyuan history, but then again, without this class, I won't have grown so much as a person!! Thanks guys 

English ,

The class that brought us most laughter, 

Perhaps the most casual lessons of all time, with Mr Vanan interacting with the class with his cold puns ( okay maybe not cold ) I bet we all had a great time. 

Sitting in the corner of the art room alone plugged in with music with one of the worst cramps ever is perhaps one of the most comforting  feeling I'd ever have. Thinking back through the past 4 years of my life, possibly the best quarter I've lived. 

Last day of school. In this school, Junyuan secondary school. 

This year's the roughest year ever I have in all my 15.5 years on earth. 

But once again I'm conscious that I've grown. And I'm not afraid to admit. 

Very thankful for all the good thoughts and effort I received from beloveds today!!

Peeps of lower secondary! We were once the most bonded class, 

how I wish we moved on throughout as one. But it's ok! Ces't la vie

That's it folks! I update on instagram too!- http://instagram.com/sammyyytham_

the paper bag of goodies, to be kept'2014 

till next time!

The last assembly

Graduation celebration 2014!!

( this is actually my second time writing this from memory. my phone died. annoyingggz) 

Never did I expect that there'll be a time for a graduation celebration, 

and a time for students to express their gratitude through speeches. 

Teachers actually took the time and effort in making individual gifts

 for students, despite their heavy-marking load. 

Sometimes we all take teachers for granted don't we? 

yeah teachers are indeed granted for us, why not cherish them? 

We have the privilege of having teachers around during our years 

growing up, giving us the best advice and the most valuable teachings

in a sense, being experienced students themselves.I have to say that 

teachers (every single one) has played a part in my school life, they 

lead me, and of course every other student through the right direction. 

Nurturing us and teaching us. 

School (and lessons)  hasn't been this enjoyable since awhile,

I've come to a realisation that it's just your own perspective of the 

class and the teachers. Nothing to do with the content I guess.

Live and let live~

till next time!

Do you get how many second thoughts I have when I start a post? It's so much hassle for the brain to decide how to start and what to talk about . I mean, of course it's hard when there's nothing eventful worth sharing(being a student) , but then again a blog is for expressing and letting out things isn't it?

Anyways, so many things happened this week. 

-well every week I say the same thing because (think about it) we're all growing teens, we're exposed to LIFE, where we realise and notice things; for the first time in our life. First times are still on-going for us, I guess. 

I finally handed in my coursework (for my exams) - the biggest project of my life done over the period of 8 months or so, with oh-so many changes together with the best guidance we could ever get. 

However, I've wanted to give up before and even during the course of it. 

I've always thought -'why put in so much effort when we don't even know if I can pass?' I've come to a realisation that perhaps as long as I've tried my best (And stopped procrastinating) and accept reality, the whole process provides so much lessons and skills . I guess the biggest gain is endurance and appreciation- and the people that surrounded me of course. 

My work (obviously) wasn't the best (far from good actually) but the thing is that I've benefitted from it , I mean, isn't it the whole point of education? Teaching and learning? 

Well it isn't for me to say, so I shall stop this here. I'm just glad I've taken art. 

I have a bottle obsession . (Self-proclaimed) aha 

Anyways I am still anticipating for the future as before. My thoughts still flow like the niagra falls. 

I've just came across the most uplifting song for the week( or month perhaps) . If you don't know me, I don't have a distinct genre of music that I particularly like. The day before I was blasting songs by the Carpenters in my room. It was so good. Then the other day I was jamming to chill step while doing mathematical sums. But there's nothing bad about it right? or is there..

(From www.dreammoods.com)

 Cliff

To dream that you are standing at the edge of a cliff indicates that you have reached an increased level of understanding, new awareness, and a fresh point of view. You have reached a critical point in your life and cannot risk losing control. Alternatively, it suggests that you are pondering a life-altering decision.

To dream that you or someone falls off a cliff suggests that you are going through a difficult time and are afraid of what is ahead for you. You fear that you may not be up for the challenge or that you cannot meet the expectations of others.  

To dream that you are climbing to the top of a cliff symbolizes your ambition and drive. The dream may parallel your desires to achieve success and to be the at the top of your profession. It is analogous to climbing the corporate ladder. 

Dolphins 

To see a dolphin in your dream symbolizes spiritual guidance, intellect, mental attributes and emotional trust. The dream is usually an inspirational one, encouraging you to utilize your mind to its capacity and move upward in life. Alternatively, it suggests that a line of communication has been established between the conscious and subconscious aspects of yourself. Dolphins represent your willingness and ability to explore and navigate through your emotions.

alright moving on, I had a vivid dream the other day- the only scene I could recall was that I was walking through an edge of a cliff, there was somehow a mini-puddle like river that was bright baby blue, almost turquoise.
I was following a man, whom face I never knew. then- suddenly there was a pod of dolphins leaping by the left, they were actually smiling ( somehow) and that the waves crashing were euphonic .
But there was this particular fear which I cannot distinguish.
Then the scene zoomed out (to bird's eye view) and the whole cliff ( actually come to think of it its like a mountain terrace but just beside the sea and that it held a stream of turquoise water instead of plantation.) ok back to it, the whole cliff was shaped like an airplane.. The whole zoomed out scene was like a news report . I remember seeing red, literarily.
That's all I can remember..
what does it mean?


alright, till next time X

I've realised that in my blog I'm just stating about school school and school.

Well, I haven't blogged for months and I thought, why not write something? (I should be taking a power nap though) 

Anyways, about school, it's been a long long 8 months or so in school, sometimes I ask myself- is it really that intensive? I keep telling myself (or perhaps bluffing) that I'll do better, I'll study next time for mid years, for prelims but it's all over now. What do I get? An aggregate of 19 and 24. Is that good? Nope. But have I improved? Yes. 

You see as long as I'm improving, I'm contented. Of course we all aim for the best (ie: I really want to get into psychology) but sometimes it's not possible, given our power and circumstances- Time, effort, maturity, and many others. 

Perhaps I'm not making any sense, but I'd like to wonder, how is this whole thing gonna benefit me in 10'years time. 

I don't see the picture. The future's all furry and blurry ( well of course it is, who knows what's gonna happen?) 

I guess this year's the busiest and the "realisation year" for now aha 

I've been thinking much more, I always thought I've been over thinking about things, but now I'm thinking what I'd never thought about. The future, I've seriously started thinking about what I want to do, what I want to be. (Though it's still furry, but at least I know.) 

It's kinda funny thinking that I had no idea what I honestly wanted, (even though that may not be practical//possible, but it's still a dream isn't it?) 

No one knows about this, or perhaps the only person I've said might have already possibly forgotten. 

Whatever revolves around my brain is just me me and studies. I've been neglecting (almost) everything and that costed (perhaps) my friendship and ties with everyone. But then again I realise who's true and who's not. Those that're worth  time and effort will stay no matter what. I'm just this self-centred nowadays who gets annoyed by everything but this whole journey allowed me to get to know more company, which I'm really thankful of :) 

I guess that's it for now, I've just written whatever's on my mind and that perhaps no one would understand but whatever it is , it's still my blog :) 

Till next time!

-I miss this sometimes.